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RGeeProductions
11-18-2006, 10:23 PM
I just got this email today.....

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Now this is really funny comedy at its best. Enjoy !

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

DAN D.
11-20-2006, 08:38 AM
those were the good old days.. great answers thanks RGEE

Teds Race Tours
11-22-2006, 04:30 PM
Classic Stuff. I'm just glad you didn't show us your secret square.

Mike Fields
11-23-2006, 10:46 AM
One correction RGee. Although the answers weren't scripted in the early days, the celebs were shown the questions in advance. That was so they 1) Wouldn't make a fool of themselves if they couldn't think of an answer off the top of their heads, and 2) So they had time to come up with a joke beforehand.

That being said, there was always one celeb that always forgot the answers, and needed another question. All these years later, I can't remember who it was.

Do you remember the times when the celeb wasn't a comic, and always had a handy line to give. Usually it wasn't funny--- not because the line wasn't funny; usually it was because the celeb didn't know how to deliver the line.

rockandrollcafe
11-25-2006, 10:32 PM
Peter: Can you get a whole pillow out of a goose?
Paul Lynde: "I got it in there-didn't I ?

DAN D.
11-26-2006, 10:28 AM
i still dont get that one ralphie boy.. about getting it in the goose? the pillow? out of the goose i know down feathers and pillows made of them and can you make one pillow out of 1 goose? but got it in there ? huh .. sorry POLISH here ..

rockandrollcafe
11-26-2006, 11:57 AM
Dan I will explain it slow for you-
Peter Marshall asked Paul Lynde if it is possible to get a pillow out of a goose- meaning can you make a whole pillow with the feathers of one goose.
Paul Lynde replied "I got it in there- didn't I" ? Insinuating in a perverted way that he previously stuffed a pillow into the goose.

W. J.
11-26-2006, 03:56 PM
Ralph, has no one ever told you that when you have to explain the joke, the person still won't really get it? Remember, this is Dan D. we are talkinig about, lol!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: Just kidding, Dan. :lol:

BlingxBling
11-27-2006, 08:15 AM
Thanks for the explanation, because at first I didn't understand it either. :wave:

DAN D.
11-27-2006, 08:41 AM
Thanks for the back up Bling, I still don't get it. Like you would really stuff a goose with a pillow? Ralph, when you said "Insinuating in a perverted way" like maybe that is a saddistic way? Like having to put a pillow in a goose's mouth?? I really am Polish and proud...but one would put a pillow in a goose's mouth??? Fill me in Ralph?? Walter, no need to say joking. I really don't get it??

RGeeProductions
11-27-2006, 09:25 AM
MY GOD.... It was just a joke posted here !!!!!

pitbull113
11-27-2006, 09:26 AM
I don't think he meant the goose's mouth. :D

DAN D.
11-27-2006, 10:30 AM
down pillow..like the small fine feathers from a pedigree goose raised to produce a beautiful coat of feathers ... that will be gently extracted at the proper time in order to produce a quality pillow , the part about ..other than the mouth thing , I still am lost on.. hmmm do goose have ears one would try to stuf a pillow in??
Yes this is in the joke section of the jam and that is what it is .. was paul lynde on bewitched ?

RGeeProductions
11-27-2006, 10:51 AM
Pull it out it's arse polack!!!!
Dam, change your signature or start living by it!!!! GEEZZ!!!

LongIslandJam
11-29-2006, 06:12 PM
Just as an FYI, I moved Bewitched info to another thread in Offseason banter...

Closed this as this went really off topic LOL