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View Full Version : 2007- YA all know you're a redneck if .......



DAN D.
01-14-2007, 07:33 PM
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9.. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12.. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65. :confused:

pitbull113
01-14-2007, 07:48 PM
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’ are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

And Finally;

An East Tennessee couple, both real-live rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed." The doctor asked them why would they choose to do this after nine children.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby, because neither of them could speak Spanish.

DAN D.
01-14-2007, 10:20 PM
So there really is 47 ways to tell .. hmm, maybe we better visit a Southern web page and or forum and see threads that say
2005- ways to tell your a Yankee if .... LOL.. is it improper to LOL your own jokes??

Idogg95
01-14-2007, 10:24 PM
(the other side to REDNECK humor)

The sound of Fran Drescher's voice doesn't bother you.

You've watched the movie "Deliverance" and you're afraid to go on a camping trip. Ever.

For breakfast, you'd rather have potatoes than grits.

You can name at least 4 hockey teams.

You've never eaten Okra.

You wonder why people in restaurants don't talk as loud as you do.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun & knife show.

You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

You've never had grain alcohol.

You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse.

You have no idea what a polecat is.

You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

You've never had bangs.(ed. note - OR if you do have them, they aren't several inches ABOVE the top of your head)

You'd rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

You refer to two or more people as "you guys" instead of "y'all".

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

You prefer a bagel over a donut.

You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob,Kay Bob, Bob Bob, Sara Jane)

You get freaked out when strangers in public talk to you.

None of your fur coats are made with real fur.

You don't know what a Piggly-Wiggly is.

You think NASCAR stands for the North American Society for...(something)

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

Your idea of a perfect meal is "Lahbsta and Clam Chawdah."

You use the horn in your car more than once or twice a year.

Everything you know about the Civil War you learned watching TV.

You don't "reckon".

You're not "fixin" to do anything.

richardpetey
01-14-2007, 11:59 PM
If the only two kings you've ever heard of are: Richard and Elvis............ :help:
If you consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment............. :confused:
If you finally mow your lawn and find another racecar............. :rolleyes:
If you consider the moisture on your cousins stomach: relative humidity............ :eek:
If you walk your kid to school because your both in the same grade............... :D
UNCLE PETEY................... :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:

RGeeProductions
01-15-2007, 12:25 AM
MY, MY!!!!
Didn't know we had SO MANY rednecks here!!!!!!
Only redneck I get is wearing a dress shirt which is like 2 times a year!!!!

richardpetey
01-15-2007, 12:33 PM
Born and raised on a NYC street..................... :help:
But I've found there is a little "neck" in everyone I meet.................... :help:
UNCLE PETEY.................... :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:

RGeeProductions
01-15-2007, 02:17 PM
I'll drink to that!!!
Guess there is some in me, LOL!!!!

bambi
01-15-2007, 07:31 PM
You might be a redneck if...
Your porch collapsed and killed your hunting dogs.
You've ever driven your truck backwards and hit the brakes to unload the bed of your truck.