Teds Race Tours
05-11-2007, 12:42 PM
The following is a fictitious conversation between a Modified Driver (MD)and Modified Official. (O) Please, do not take this 100 % serious, it is only a FICTIONAL PIECE”
O “What can I help ya with today”
MD “Well, I’d like to talk about these flash races, and the tour in general”
O “Ok, whats on your mind?”
MD “None of us like them”
O “None of Us?”
MD “ Drivers, Owners, Crew Members, you know, us.”
O “Why is that?”
MD “Those heat races give us the Hebe Jeebies”
O “The Hebe Jeebies?”
MD “YES!”
O “What are the Hebe Jeebies?”
MD “It means we’re afraid of them.”
O “What are you afraid of?”
MD “We might damage our cars”
O “I see. What do you want us to do.”
MD “We wanna go to Time Trials Only”
O “Time Trials Only to line up the cars for the feature?”
MD “No, Time Trials ONLY, No Feature.”
O “NO FEATURE?”
MD “No Feature just Time Trials”
O “Why do you not want a feature?”
MD “We’ll, ya see, we might damage our cars running on the track together”
O “I don’t think anybody would pay to see this. How would the show run? How could we sell tickets?”
MD “That’s not our problem”
O “Ya know these other Series are running heats and a Feature”
MD “That’s not our problem”
O “ So you want to just run 2 Time Trial laps to determine the winner?
MD “We’ll, we’d actually like to only run 1 Trial Lap”
O “1 Lap?”
MD “Yes, less chance of damage”
O “Oh Boy”
MD “You see these cars are expensive”
O “I know what they cost”
MD “It’s really important to us to only run 1 lap”
O “OK, I’ll see what I can do”
MD “And we need to discuss practice.”
O “Practice?”
MD “Yes Practice.”
O “What don’t ya like about practice?”
MD “We don’t like it the way it is” We’d like each team to get 1 lap of practice, 1 team at a time.”
O “Only 1 car on the track at a time again?”
MD “Yes, potential damage sir”
O “You are that afraid of damage?”
MD “Hebe Jeebies!”
O “Wow, this is all news to me”
MD “News Sir?”
O “Yes, after 15 cautions in 50 laps last week, I kinda thought you guys got a bonus for each contact on the track”
MD “A bonus? That’s not funny sir. These are precision machines built for speed.”
O “I was only kidding”
MD “Please don’t kid, I might damage a nerve.”
O “Ok, OK, I’m sorry”
MD “Please be more careful”
O “I need a cigarette”
MD “Cigarettes cause Lung Damage”
O “You really despise Damage, don’t you”
MD “Yes, all Damage is bad”
O “So we will run 1 private lap of Practice, and then run 1 fast Time Trial Lap to determine the winner”
MD “Well, that’s not exactly what we want”
O” Oh boy. What EXACTLY do you want?”
MD “We’d like a target Time Trial lap”
O “What do you mean a target Time Trial Lap”
MD “Well lets say the race is at Riverhead, we could set the Target at 22.35 seconds. The driver who comes closest to the target time wins.”
O “22.35 SECONDS!?!?!?! That’s over 10 seconds slower than the track record.”
MD “Yes, but less chance of Damage”
O “Ah, Damage Again”
MD “Yes Sir”
O “How do you think we are going to sell this to the fans”
MD “That’s not our problem, but we will help ya out here.”
O “ Oh Good, how would you do that”
MD “An Autograph Session”
O “Hey, those always work out great. Good Idea”
MD “Here is a list of what we will need”
O” A list?”
MD “Yes, supplies we will need for the Autograph Sessions”
O “Rubber Gloves, Surgical Masks, Hand Sanitizer? What is this?”
MD “ We cannot afford to damage our health”
O ”Oh boy. So you wanna look like a surgeon when you are sitting at a table signing autographs”
MD “No Table”
O “No table?
MD “ No Sir”
O “Where will you sign these autographs”
MD “ Inside a Bubble”
O “ A Bubble?”
MD “Yes, remember the movie, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble?”
O “Yes, John Travolta was in it, right”
MD “Yes, good Memory. We’d like to be Hermetically Sealed inside the bubble”
O “I don’t believe this. How will the people hand you items for them to get signed”
MD “That’s not our problem”
O “I’m gonna see what I can do, but I have to say your list is going to be almost impossible to do. “
MD “That’s Ok, we’ll skip some races until you do.”
O “We’ll skip some races?”
MD “Yes, many of the drivers will skip some races until you do”
O “Oh Boy, this may end the Modified Series as we know it”
MD “That’s not our problem”
O “I need some Tequila”
MD “Tequila causes Brain Damage sir.”
O “Oh Boy”
O “What can I help ya with today”
MD “Well, I’d like to talk about these flash races, and the tour in general”
O “Ok, whats on your mind?”
MD “None of us like them”
O “None of Us?”
MD “ Drivers, Owners, Crew Members, you know, us.”
O “Why is that?”
MD “Those heat races give us the Hebe Jeebies”
O “The Hebe Jeebies?”
MD “YES!”
O “What are the Hebe Jeebies?”
MD “It means we’re afraid of them.”
O “What are you afraid of?”
MD “We might damage our cars”
O “I see. What do you want us to do.”
MD “We wanna go to Time Trials Only”
O “Time Trials Only to line up the cars for the feature?”
MD “No, Time Trials ONLY, No Feature.”
O “NO FEATURE?”
MD “No Feature just Time Trials”
O “Why do you not want a feature?”
MD “We’ll, ya see, we might damage our cars running on the track together”
O “I don’t think anybody would pay to see this. How would the show run? How could we sell tickets?”
MD “That’s not our problem”
O “Ya know these other Series are running heats and a Feature”
MD “That’s not our problem”
O “ So you want to just run 2 Time Trial laps to determine the winner?
MD “We’ll, we’d actually like to only run 1 Trial Lap”
O “1 Lap?”
MD “Yes, less chance of damage”
O “Oh Boy”
MD “You see these cars are expensive”
O “I know what they cost”
MD “It’s really important to us to only run 1 lap”
O “OK, I’ll see what I can do”
MD “And we need to discuss practice.”
O “Practice?”
MD “Yes Practice.”
O “What don’t ya like about practice?”
MD “We don’t like it the way it is” We’d like each team to get 1 lap of practice, 1 team at a time.”
O “Only 1 car on the track at a time again?”
MD “Yes, potential damage sir”
O “You are that afraid of damage?”
MD “Hebe Jeebies!”
O “Wow, this is all news to me”
MD “News Sir?”
O “Yes, after 15 cautions in 50 laps last week, I kinda thought you guys got a bonus for each contact on the track”
MD “A bonus? That’s not funny sir. These are precision machines built for speed.”
O “I was only kidding”
MD “Please don’t kid, I might damage a nerve.”
O “Ok, OK, I’m sorry”
MD “Please be more careful”
O “I need a cigarette”
MD “Cigarettes cause Lung Damage”
O “You really despise Damage, don’t you”
MD “Yes, all Damage is bad”
O “So we will run 1 private lap of Practice, and then run 1 fast Time Trial Lap to determine the winner”
MD “Well, that’s not exactly what we want”
O” Oh boy. What EXACTLY do you want?”
MD “We’d like a target Time Trial lap”
O “What do you mean a target Time Trial Lap”
MD “Well lets say the race is at Riverhead, we could set the Target at 22.35 seconds. The driver who comes closest to the target time wins.”
O “22.35 SECONDS!?!?!?! That’s over 10 seconds slower than the track record.”
MD “Yes, but less chance of Damage”
O “Ah, Damage Again”
MD “Yes Sir”
O “How do you think we are going to sell this to the fans”
MD “That’s not our problem, but we will help ya out here.”
O “ Oh Good, how would you do that”
MD “An Autograph Session”
O “Hey, those always work out great. Good Idea”
MD “Here is a list of what we will need”
O” A list?”
MD “Yes, supplies we will need for the Autograph Sessions”
O “Rubber Gloves, Surgical Masks, Hand Sanitizer? What is this?”
MD “ We cannot afford to damage our health”
O ”Oh boy. So you wanna look like a surgeon when you are sitting at a table signing autographs”
MD “No Table”
O “No table?
MD “ No Sir”
O “Where will you sign these autographs”
MD “ Inside a Bubble”
O “ A Bubble?”
MD “Yes, remember the movie, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble?”
O “Yes, John Travolta was in it, right”
MD “Yes, good Memory. We’d like to be Hermetically Sealed inside the bubble”
O “I don’t believe this. How will the people hand you items for them to get signed”
MD “That’s not our problem”
O “I’m gonna see what I can do, but I have to say your list is going to be almost impossible to do. “
MD “That’s Ok, we’ll skip some races until you do.”
O “We’ll skip some races?”
MD “Yes, many of the drivers will skip some races until you do”
O “Oh Boy, this may end the Modified Series as we know it”
MD “That’s not our problem”
O “I need some Tequila”
MD “Tequila causes Brain Damage sir.”
O “Oh Boy”