Irish Day Joke.

[Teds Race Tours]

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the
pub and promptly orders three beers.

The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers,
which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three
more.

This happens yet again.

The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time,
several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who
Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of
the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why
you always order three beers?"

'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers,
and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each
other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank
as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon
the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of
pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come
to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender
pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening -
he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered
for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first
of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother.
You know-the two beers and all..."

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear
that my two brothers are alive and well.

It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

:cheers::cheers::cheers::cheers: :cheers::cheers::cheers::cheers:

[cerckl'm racing]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important
meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
"Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to mass
every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said,
"Never mind, I found one!"


Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he
meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The
priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest
asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply."Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then FatherMurphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this.You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group :cheers:together to go right now."


Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the
obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend,
Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"


An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in
Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and
then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"


Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff
one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.”
"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."


Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking
buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He
tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs
bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing
the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A
whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially
painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in
the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He
managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid
as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost
empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt
and Mary staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk
again last night weren't you?" Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken
glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing
through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all
those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

[Crazy Horse]

What's the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk? alcoholics have to go to those stupid meetings.:confused: