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CIN
01-07-2006, 10:15 AM
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life to seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot--some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.
18. Procrastinate NOW!
19. I have a degree in Liberal Arts; Do you want fries with that?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU HAVE, ESPECIALLY YOUR FRIENDS!
LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND FRIENDS ARE TOO FEW!

vsmidge68
01-11-2006, 10:26 AM
Straight from my son's T-shirts...........

I'm out of my mind. Please leave a message.

You didn't beat me........I let you win!

Quit bothering me while I'm ignoring you.

Don't tell me what kind of day to have!

W. J.
01-11-2006, 12:29 PM
My favorite T-shirt says, "I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person". :lol:

richardpetey
01-12-2006, 09:21 PM
Your proctologist called...............they found your head.................. :help:
Save your breath.......you'll need it to blow up your date.................. :eek:
Hang up and Drive.............................. :rolleyes:
Welcome to America...............now speak English...................... :disgusted
UNCLE PETEY.................. :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: