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jimmy'z
02-17-2006, 06:00 AM
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

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TEACHER: Why are you late Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School ahead. Go slow."

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

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TEACHER: Greg, how would you spell "crocodile?"
GREG: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No Greg, that's incorrect.
GREG: Maybe it's incorrect, but you asked me how "I" spelled it.

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TEACHER: Ryan, what is the chemical formula for water?
RYAN: H I J K L M N O
TEACHER: Ryan, what are you talking about?
RYAN: Well, yesterday you said it was H to O.

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TEACHER: Hunter, name one important thing that we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago.
HUNTER: Me !

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TEACHER: Adam, why do you always get so dirty?
ADAM: Well, I guess it's because I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER: Beth, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BETH: I is...........
TEACHER: No Beth....Always say "I am".....not "I is".
BETH: All right........."I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now Alex, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
ALEX: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

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TEACHER: Now, Macy, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
MACY: No Mam, I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Daniel, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's composition. Did you copy off of him?
DANIEL: No teacher, it's the same dog.

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TEACHER: Parker, what do you call a person who keeps on talking to people who are no longer interested?
PARKER: A Teacher

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Science Anyone?
If you need a laugh, then read through these children's Science Exam answers. These are real answers given by children.
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Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
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Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
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Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
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Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
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Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
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Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
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Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
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Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
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Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
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Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
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Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
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Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome .
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Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.